Butterflies - Escher

my life as a fractured fractal :: trying to force-produce a post, unedited, straight from my mind

There is a simple but profound beauty in orderliness, a place for everything and everything in - or approaching - its place.

My place, my apartment, has been so disordered for so long ... it breaks my brain, it makes it hard for me to focus and think. Or maybe that's the meds my doctors have me on. Still, after (calculates painstakingly) eleven years. Oh, my choice here, pain or brain.

It's really hard to break the ... entropy? momentum? hmmm. The right word, it escapes me.... ~stay tuned for the the Find Your Right Word game, hosted by the Goblin King, I wish~

It's really hard to break out of the rut of not communicating, not posting, not sharing my thoughts. Not thinking.

Still no kitties in my life. Almost adopted a pair of baby-cats this past week, but another candidate for cat-mom beat me to it. Now I need to decide if I should go back to sticking to my plan of waiting until my clutter is under control, my storage library lined with bookshelves, new kitchen floor and new fridge in place...

Or go ahead and bring little fur-bods back into my life amidst the chaos of cleaning, organizing, straightening, and renovation (the last with workmen stomping around, in and out, and running power tools). The redone bathroom (which sorely needed redoing) is done, and there's been a workman-free lull for the past month or so, but still. Not an ideal situation in the immediate future for bringing new furry little ones into the house.

On the other hand, just the possibility of kitties filled me with energy and initiative and I got more done in that few weeks that for months and months previous. So, sanity hanging in balance, as it always does with a cat-less cat person.

Other things ... my email is so clogged and cluttered that I'm not sure I'd even notice a new email entering my in box. Safer to comment here, even if you don't have an lj and need to use openID or something. Because I will obsessively check to see if anybody says 'hi' or otherwise comments to me ... does anybody even remember who I am, or have you just forgotten to weed me out of your flists from indifference.

Well, that was a pathetic cry for comments. Ignore or indulge as you see fit, yeah?

Fannishly, I've been pretty much lurking. I'm reading bunches and tones of fic, but failing to feed the writer even basic comments. And did you know that WorldCon was here in Chicago this year? I figured it out while reading David Hewlett's & Joe Flanigan's Twitter feeds as they got into town and made it to the hotel.

Yes, I keep track of the world via Twitter. Even though I seldom tweet. I blame my lack of cell phone, let alone cell phone texting ability, for that. And my recalcitrant computers. Who are mad, bad and difficult to deal with. They give me problems, they do, and I know not what to do to fix them. And fear possible big repair bills. And the diabolical Win-Vista, or whatever it's called. And I can't find the new backup harddrive I procured to use (aka backup things with) for before any repair visits. And I'm simultaneously procrastinating and just tired-tired-tired. /end digression

That actually makes the third time in the past however many years that I've been in/near the bid-winning town and totally missed attending the con. Or even noticing it was that weekend. Or is it the forth time? Chicago, Orlando, Chicago. Or was there another Chicago in there. I did get to one Chicago WorldCon ... but the concomm that won the bid this time is, I think, a totally different bunch of people.

Despite the meds, my health is no shakier than usual. My stamina is shot after a too-hot summer spent trapped indoors. And I'm (as mentioned earlier) tired all the time. Or staying up too late. Or, you know, both.

LSO is doing much better, she's almost back to normal. Or what passes for normal in my family. She now uses a cane or a walker all the time, while I seldom need a cane at home and have a rollator (roll-a-tor? and it may also need a little TM attached but I'm wanting bed before it's time to get up, so I'm trying to wrap things up and don't feel like digging out my little "how to" book that came with the Comfy Machine - yes, unresearched post, oh my - notice all the places where I could've linked back to something and didn't.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, LSO doing better. But she can't drive anymore and sold her car. We still have wonderful neighbors who would give her rides to places but mostly she hasn't taken advantage of the offers yet - I'm the driver now. Neither one of us gets to everyplace we want to get these days; my energy doesn't hold out long enough. Stamina. Need to resume long-abandoned walking program, it was quite effective back when I practiced diligently.

I think I've forgotten how to spell. And my typing speed is down from lack of practice. These things spur me on (I hope) to resume a posting schedule. (Crosses fingers.)

Time to stop the babble until later. I'm kinda afraid to read what I wrote above because of all that babbling. I need to vent fannishly about all the new shows that made me happy this summer, so I hope to be back soon. (Crosses toes, albeit metaphorically.)


cross-posted to Djinanna @ LiveJournal, JournalFen, InsaneJournal, DreamWidth, & DeadJournal, via Semagic
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Lefevre-Utile Gaufrettes Vanille - Mucha

'may you live in interesting times' - blessing or curse? discuss

So I haven't been around much lately - posting-wise, flist-wise, comments-wise.... I haven't even been Twittering, so those bizarre archival Twitter reposts haven't been showing up here. I have no idea what the fannish hot topics are right now, or even what the hot new fandoms are.

Wait, that last one is not completely true. I have been reading tons of fic (99% either Rodney-based SGA and Xander-based BtVS), and so I've seen a bit of Merlin fervor and Trek-Reboot fever. And I've also noticed that I'm not alone in my adoration for Burn Notice and Leverage. (Though so far I've waited in vain for the Psych/Sentinel fusion where Shawn is a Sentinel and Gus is his Guide. *le sigh* Recs, anyone?)

But mostly, I'm pathetically out of touch with fandom and with my flist. Over the weekend, I actually had to go to the VividCon website to make sure I hadn't accidentally missed the con. Of course, I may still have to miss it intentionally, but I still have my fingers crossed that I'll be able get there for at least one day. Maybe. I hope.

What I have been doing - Collapse )

So that's why I've been awol from fandom and lj lately. And the situation probably won't improve too much in the next little while, though I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and my candles burning (figuratively when not literally) in the hope that things *will* start improving now, however gradually. ::knocks on wood, pressboard, formica::

All this and I still haven't brought any new cats into my life yet. Want kitty. NEED kitty. ::flails and pouts::

I have no idea when I'll post again. Hopefully soon but more likely it'll be a while again.

x-posted to Djinanna @: LiveJournal, JournalFen, InsaneJournal,
Dreamwidth, and DeadJournal via Semagic